Somewhere out of time, but really in November of last year, tucked into a corner with a can of coke in hand, two separate people spontaneously recommended the White Lily Society to me. Just a passing note in conversation. Good news for them! I am her, she is me. Or rather, she was born of me, but she isn’t just me. Yes, the White Lily Society is you, my dear. It is an amalgamation of all its society members, my dearest letter-consumptives. You all hold the strings. I simply wove the first guiding stitch.
Today, on my birthday, I would like to re-introduce myself as your humble curator and/or cult leader once more, using the Proust questionnaire. Incense-dazed and keyboard-weary, my name is Sabrina Angelina, nice to meet you. I am her, she is me. I am a character, I am a prophecy, and I am the little sleep paralysis demon at the foot of your bed. Worry not. Tell me a fairytale and I will be on my merry way. Driven by the urge to consume candlelight, no doubt. I am the great worshipper of a run-on sentence, and [most of] the White Lily Society has weaselled its ways out of the dusty crevices of my mind. Allow me to shed some light through recreational narcissism.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Multiple options: (1) Locking myself in my attic to write and research and read. Preferably by candlelight. (2) London when it is grey out and the weather is on the colder side, and the rain weaves in and out throughout the hours. (3) A successful night with friends; feeling seen; acknowledgement. The inspiration that comes from closeness. The identity euphoria of a new thing clicking into an old place.
What is your greatest fear?
I have a minor phobia of hearing my own heartbeat. Also, for about half a decade I battled severe emetophobia, which I’m glad to say I’ve mostly conquered. I’m also quite anxious about death; the loss of sensation which is completely beyond my comprehension. It terrified me greatly as a child. Which is probably why I snuggle up to death more and more in my work. Consider it some sort of twisted, perverse exposure therapy. Helpful and masochistically indulgent.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Residual crudeness and/or speaking before thinking. Not articulating myself well enough as a result. [In the past it was envy, but I’ve come a long way in quelling any lack in my life that could stoke jealousy.]
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Having a closed, iron-gated mind; habitual inconsiderateness; a destitute lack of passion.
Which living person do you most admire?
Dita von Teese! I have a great weakness for anybody who has, through sheer force of will, moulded both themselves and their life to their desire. It’s a very seductive mix of ambition, yearning, and type-A devotion that is endlessly enticing.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Perfectionism; needing my surroundings to be aesthetically pleasing in order to feel relaxing; ritualistic dramatics.
What is your current state of mind?
I’m always in a state of perpetual residual daydream, a grasp for a little bit more, or consequentially a devil on my shoulder urging me to chase productivity above anything and everything else. The daydreams are potent; growing up the way I did, I really did believe my life would be like “the Vampire Diaries” (2009-2017) or “Twilight” (2008) and I would gather with friends for cozy research, wander around candle-lit castles, or fall in love with vampires. I never really stopped mourning that (unreal) life, or reaching into fantasies to get it— when the sky is grey and rainy, and the weather temperate, like it is now, it seems a lot more within reach. The dreariness is intoxicating.
And the life I am creating for myself through the White Lily Society, where I lock myself in my attic to write or do research, where I live and breathe Gothicism, and I volunteer at a cemetery— that life is exactly the one I’ve been dreaming up for myself for decades now.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Puritanism, or completely strait-laced moral rigidity projected onto everything from books to lifestyles. The most illuminating bits of life [often] happen in the grey.
On what occasion do you lie?
I had a really silly habit of lying to over-exaggerate as a child, just inflating numbers at large for dramatic effect, which I am still trying to kick for the most part. Just don’t trust me with spoken dates, numbers, or values. Ever. It’s all guesswork. I’m better with outlines, but prefer to double-check if speaking on the record (as I am doing now).
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I am not photogenic enough to be attending as many events as I do, my dear. Though I’ve long made peace with my appearance (and my body, especially), I would much prefer the option of crossing out all bad pictures of myself on a physical negative, à la Marilyn Monroe. Or simply let go of the foolish notion of ever letting one’s guard down within twenty feet of a camera.
Which living person do you most despise?
Please don’t make me think of them!
What is the quality you most like in a man?
I tend to be interested in men that have opposite interests from me, but are very openminded, non-judgemental, and kind. I’m also particularly attracted to skill, knowledge, or people unapologetically geeking out over their own things— that goes for both genders, though by observation I do gravitate more to women artists, and STEM men.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
In women, I often look to be inspired. People who have embraced outlandishness really intrigue me. With both genders I consider a good match in a balanced “Venn diagram” so to speak; a shared basis, usually attitude-wise, as well as a foundation of shared interests, and then each our own things as well.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I tend to speak without much thought (bad habit), so most over-used are all those short affirming phrases I tend to spit out while mentally formulating a long-form response. See: “same”, “felt”, “real”, or any other variation of these.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
London, the Big Smoke.
When and where were you happiest?
Right now, baby!
Which talent would you most like to have?
Gracefulness.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I’d very much like to be more verbally eloquent and well-spoken. I manage well on paper, where I have time to mull things over and adjust them, but my speech still has ways to go, in my opinion.
If I’m allowed a few more requests I’d also like instantly better posture and eternally perfectly-styled hair.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
The thesis I created for my MSc in Strategic Fashion Management at UAL:LCF; “How Not to Disappear: the Impact of High- and Low-Aesthetic Advertising on Easing the Effects of Luxury Fashion Brand Fatigue in UK Gen-Z and Millennial Consumers”. It’s a 140 pages long, 16k word document of my own research and statistical analysis: I got 600 people to take part in my experiment! And I loved the feeling- despite all the pain- of locking myself in my attic and just writing, researching, studying. It was addictive. If only all of my university experience looked and felt like that. A girl can dream!
[B-side answer: this lovely White Lily Society community, felt especially when a member reaches out with their work or appreciation]
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
I love crows and ravens, or snails (Spiders are more so a theoretical love of mine, not really in practice). Though I think my soul would also do well haunting a doll of some sorts.
Where would you most like to live?
Realistically; where I am now (London), or Paris.
Idealistically / in a symbolically potent way; New Orleans (French Quarter or Garden District), somewhere in the Pacific Midwest (a forest cabin with a wood-fire stove) ((I’ve never been to either of these places)) (((Odds are I would maybe last five minutes in the woods by myself))). Or I’d hide out in the attic of my friend’s house in the Swiss Alps, stealing little breadcrumbs from the kitchen when she’s not around to notice...
What is your most treasured possession?
An antique baroque silver jewellery box from my grandmother. My grandfather’s ornate clock. The locket I lost last April and still mourn (my other grandmother’s). My own baby teeth. The little metal ballerina figurine my mom gave me. A 2012 folio edition of Angela Carter’s “the Bloody Chamber” (1978). My Monster High Draculaura creeproduction. A set of six crystal glass bowls I thrifted and always hold onto with both hands lest I drop them. A big sturdy box full of priceless memories and postcards from my friends.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
That post-9pm feeling of needing to completely redo your life, reinvent your self, and just do more. Here’s a tip for future me: don’t trust the intensity of your feelings once the sun has set. Ever. The darkness lies when it whispers.
Or, alternatively, learn more from the enjoyment I get on the fringes of this feeling. I relish general melancholy, not so much the pointed edges of it. But I love to feel bad when I can do so dramatically, in a lacy nightgown, and by candlelight.
What is your favourite occupation?
To forget myself in the midst of writing, reading, and researching.
What is your most marked characteristic?
I am, in all things, Venus-heavy. My realm is one of beauty, aesthetics, romantic tendencies, seduction, and devotion. Therefore, my life work is to create in tune with my desires, something that is beautiful and inspiring to others. I hunger for approval, and to be appreciated / admired, and am sensitive to disharmony, especially visually. As a result I also tend to be quite detail-oriented. Any error, no matter how tiny, is an immediate thorn in my eye.
What do you most value in your friends?
All my friends are people I admire, people that inspire me, people that possess traits I would like to cultivate more of in myself. Uplifting, dreamy people I can talk to for hours on end without boredom in sight.
Who are your favourite writers?
Angela Carter is the only writer who’s never missed for me. My favourites include all of “the Bloody Chamber” (1978), but especially the short story “the Tiger’s Bride”. And from her other short stories “Flesh and the Mirror” and “the Cabinet of Edgar Allan Poe”, not to mention her non-fiction work “the Sadeian Woman and the Ideology of Pornography” (1978).
Who is your hero of fiction?
Most definitely a red flag, but Katherine Pierce from “the Vampire Diaries” (2009-2017) had a devastating effect on my pre-teen psyche. I loved her extreme confidence, self-assured manner, and seductive smarts. Other favourites from the TVDU include Caroline Forbes, and the underrated witch Genevieve. I also love Lucy Westenra from “Dracula” (1897), Kathryn from “Cruel Intentions” (1999), Buffy Summers from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (1997-2003), Margaery Tyrell from “Game of Thrones” (2011-2019), Olivia Pope from “Scandal” (2012-2018), and Helaena Targaryen from “House of the Dragon” (2022-). But my current favourite is Lottie Matthews from “Yellowjackets” (2021-). I love characters that are clever, seductive, and/or supremely tragic.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Oh, God, how does one even answer this? Truly, I don’t think there’s any one figure out there whom I sympathise with and who also exhibits genuine parallels to my life. I suppose a lot of Anaïs Nin’s writing about sensuality, about needing escape, about being multiple personalities in one, really hits close to home for me.
Who are your heroes in real life?
Angela Carter, Lord Byron, Dita von Teese, Anaïs Nin, Ethel Cain, Christine McConnell.
My dearest friends: the one I’ve known almost twenty years, who always teaches me to be more open, and unguarded. The friends who make me laugh in the silliest of ways. My inspiring artist friends who are continually unfolding themselves. Anyone who is down to sit on my couch and let me show them my books of vintage glamour-erotica. All the friends I stuck with throughout the years for reasons too plentiful to even begin to type out, or simply because they bring some light to the dark days.
What are your favourite names?
For feminine names: Adeline, Alice, Meredith, Lucy, Edith. Ambrose, Rowan, Percy, Jasper, Oscar for the masculine. A current favourite pair is Lenore / Byron.
What is it that you most dislike?
Judgemental people; bad faith arguments; anybody lacking consideration.
What is your greatest regret?
Not wearing the clothes I wanted to wear as a teen because I was waiting to be “skinny enough” (whatever that means!!!). Not doing what would have brought me happiness for fear of what others would think. Losing a part of a necklace my mom gave me to be a family heirloom when I was thirteen or so.
How would you like to die?
Not at all.
What is your motto?
Donec manus scribentis morte obstet; “Until the hand that writes is stopped by death”, translated to Latin, taken from Anne Radcliffe’s “the Romance of the Forest” (1791).
On a final note, before I blow out my candles, allow me to curate you a list of twenty-four of my favourite songs to celebrate my twenty-fourth year alive. It’s an entirely selfish purpose, this pressing up against my own tastes. Allow me to fill my hands with it once more.
˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆｡☆ 📼 An assorted list of most beloved songs…
“Compass” - the Neighbourhood // 2. “Two-Headed Mother” - Ethel Cain // 3. “i was all over her” - Salvia Palth // 4. “the Night We Met” - Lord Huron // 5. “In My Room” - Chance Peña // 6. “My Love Mine All Mine” - Mitski // 7. “the Lighthouse” - Halsey // 8. “the Blackest Day” - Lana del Rey // 9. “the Albatross” - Taylor Swift // 10. “Cassandra” - Florence and the Machine // 11. “Lovers from the Past” - Mareux // 12. “Angel” - NewDad // 13. “I Love my Boyfriend” - Princess Chelsea // 14. “Wicked Game” - Chris Isaak // 15. “Monolith” - Twin Tribes // 16. “Goo Goo Muck” - the Cramps // 17. “Mentally Not Here” - Elita // 18. “Sister” - She Wants Revenge // 19. “Burn Alive” - the Last Dinner Party // 20. “Scissorhands” - Maggie Lindemann // 21. “Flash” - Cigarettes After Sex // 22. “Nutshell” - Alice in Chains // 23. “Petals” - Hole // 24. “Mascara” - Sunday (1994)
Sabrina Angelina is dedicated to the intersection of love and violence, a term she coined to describe classical Romanticism's tendency to pair passion and suffering, tragedy and pleasure, together. Consumed by this concept, she writes on Substack and curates the White Lily Society page dedicated to arts and culture.
White Lily Society links // Sabrina Angelina links
Come, join the White Lily Society, and become a martyr of deliciousness.
Happy birthdayyyy
oh my gosh, happy birthday!! 🤍